It was a Wednesday morning in March, the 16th to be exact. I woke up anxiously excited as I walked into the bathroom with shaky hands and unwrapped the packaging…
After meeting with the fertility doctor the previous year, we were told that we had a 1% chance of getting pregnant naturally. We pursued low tech fertility treatments without success then began saving for IVF which we were told would most likely be the only way we could have a family. On March 16,2016 we were to pay the deposit to start our IVF journey.
…I closed my eyes and prayed “Lord, whatever the result, I will give you glory and praise your name.” Imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes on that Wednesday morning to see the word “pregnant” on the test screen. I was filled with so much joy because God was doing the impossible! I remember practically busting the office door down to hand Corey the test. With tears in my eyes I said the words, “You are going to be a Daddy.” A grin filled his face as he embraced me.
In the weeks to come our joy quickly turned to mourning.
I was walking through the hospital early in the morning to get to my department where I was working as a RN. I made a quick stop in the bathroom because something didn’t feel right. I remember texting Corey, “Something is wrong. It’s too much blood. The doctor was right. I am miscarrying.”…
The week before I had gone into the office for some check up blood work to assure that the pregnancy was progressing normally. We were also surprised to be able to see our baby on ultrasound. Later that afternoon my nurse called me and told me that my lab numbers were not where they needed to be. I should prepare myself for what was coming and call them if I had any concerns. I hung up the phone confused, hurt, but hopeful that God would sustain our little miracle.
…With tears in my eyes I continued walking to my department, Neonatal ICU, where I would take care of sick babies all day while I was losing my own. I could have talked to the charge nurse and gone home but I felt like I had a responsibility. I also wanted a distraction and to pretend that what I knew was happening wasn’t reality.
I finished the longest shift of my nursing career and walked out the front of the hospital. Tears filled my eyes as I got into the car with Corey who picked me up instead of allowing me to drive home myself. I cried the entire way home. Nothing made sense.
Why would God give us a miracle baby and then take it away?
I held on to the only verse that gave me even a glimpse of peace. “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21b
I had to trust Him.
Rain sprinkled on my windshield as I sat in my car looking at the rays of red light slicing through the darkness one Wednesday night after church. It was in this moment I was motivated by the Holy Spirit to pray something that God would faithfully answer in two years time. “Lord, from childhood, you have led me to pray for other’s hurts and pains. As you substituted yourself in my place, I pray Father God that if anybody in my family would ever get cancer, please give it to me to have in their place. I love you Lord and may you be ever glorified in and through my life. Amen.”
A lot happened after that prayer. Life went on and I completely forgot what I had said. One day I found myself walking into our local coffee shop to buy a coffee totally overlooking the fact that I didn’t even like coffee. The owners were friends of mine and I enjoyed the atmosphere. This particular visit stands out because my friend introduced me to Brittany, a staff member, and soon to be answer to my prayer for the “perfect” girl.
“Let me introduce you to one of my staff members,” said my friend with a smile on his face. Just like that, the awkward-just-met-you-for-the-first-time conversation was initiated. I left the coffee shop that night asking myself if she was “the one” and remembering why I don’t like the taste of coffee.
Falling & Obeying
A Facebook friend request several days later kept my attention on the girl from the coffee shop. For years I had kept a prayer journal and in this journal I had listed “My Prayer for the Perfect Girl.” Brittany was the embodiment of everything I had prayed for in “that” girl.
As our love grew for each other, God began to point us in the direction of marriage. The plan included waiting for her to finish nursing school and begin working at our local hospital. We just knew our lives would include each other and serving Christ somewhere in His great mission field. With my passion for evangelism and Brittany’s medical education, we knew that God could use our skill set in the mission field both near and far. We were so excited about what was to come. I didn’t know what the Lord ultimately would have in store for us but I knew I could trust Him.
A few months later, God prompted me, “I want you to go to Uganda with your home church.” I pray constantly for the Lord to be blunt and direct with me, which He is. I just wish I was quick to be obedient. Instead of leaving me behind, God was and is always gracious and patient. He consistently made it crystal clear that I was to go to Africa. This trip was just what I needed at that time in my life. I came back home with an entirely new perspective: my needs vs. wants, the great need to share the Gospel and God’s faithfulness and protection. Along with sore eyes for Brittany and a sore body from traveling, I had this small bump at the base of my neck. I tried to convince myself that the bump was probably nothing; an infection at worst.
Yet, the bump never went away. It actually grew a little bit. Finally the swollen lymph node was taken out for a biopsy. As I prayed and prayed to God about what it could be, one day a peace that I cannot describe came over me. In the midst of that peace, the Holy Spirit brought into my mind the prayer I had prayed years before at the red light. God had answered my prayer and I knew I had cancer. The doctor would confirm the news several days later.
I was hopeful though. Nothing is too great for my God, His grace is sufficient for me, and trust in the Lord with all your heart. These words became my battle cry to stay focused on Jesus. It was tough and the war internally seemed to grow more intense. “What about Brittany and our relationship?” I would think about this question. I had already decided to propose to her. I even had the ring.
Remember me saying that I need things to be given to me bluntly and directly? God spoke through both Brittany and my friend Josh in just that manner. “I love you. No matter what happens. I will never leave you or forsake you.” It was so special to hear Brittany tell me those words one afternoon before starting treatment. However, what my friend Josh told me wasn’t quite as reassuring. “You having cancer is the most gracious thing God could have done for both Brittany and you at this time in your lives.” Wow. What? My having cancer is God’s grace to Brittany and me? I really didn’t know what Josh meant by that statement. I couldn’t comprehend how it was a good thing. Yet, I took his statement with me throughout the next several months as my treatments increased.
Josh was Right
Looking back at that time in my life, I can’t help but see God’s fingerprints all over it. He gave me an amazing woman who loves Him with all her heart, whose nursing school experience and tender care made my recovery that much more bearable. Family and friends were here for my every need and my faith was strengthened through their love. The drives to and from treatment, days of sickness and weakness, hair loss and hair cuts, kind words and careless words, and moments of frustration and trust, all revealed God’s grace. The body of Christ supported me like never before. The Lord did much sanctifying work on my character and suffer well for the glory of God.
And, eventually, Josh’s words of wisdom made perfect sense.
The Lord was already our foundation but He used this time in our lives to strengthen and secure our commitment to Him and each other. His grace got us through every mountain high and valley low and as an “old married couple” of almost three months, we are ever thankful to God for His most gracious gift – cancer. Yes, you read that right. We are thankful.
I wrote this article for Shattered Magazine in May/June 2014 shortly after receiving the news that I was in remission from cancer.
Where do I start… Corey is the answer to the prayers that I prayed since I was 13. He is everything on my list (more about that to come) and so much more. I truly thank God for him daily. Corey is full of fun! He has the best smile and laugh. He has the biggest heart for people that I have ever known. He has a servants heart. He loves the Lord and leads his family with integrity and truth.
He treats “his girls” like princesses. He loves us endlessly. He spoils us and always makes sure we have why we need and want.
He is quirky (but I love it). He enjoys all things superheroes and movies. He enjoys being active and fit. Corey is currently the Director of Operational Support at the Downtown Rescue Mission in Huntsville; he has served under different roles there for 10 years. He is also the Associate Youth Pastor at First Baptist Church in Fayetteville where we are members.
Corey dreams big dreams and I am blessed to have a front row seat to see how God uses this amazing man for His kingdom.
Love you more, mostest ever! 😍😘
Without a doubt, Britt is God’s answer to years of prayer for a best friend and future spouse. She is loving and kind, VERY gracious, and the one who is goofy and makes me laugh. She is an amazing mother who loves our daughter (and me) so incredibly much. Britt grew up as a PK (pastor’s kid) who genuinely loves the Lord and ministry with all of her heart. Outside of the Holy Spirit within me, the Lord uses her to keep me accountable and faithful to His Word.
Britt is a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) and has an active wear business with a company called Zyia. Her love language is quality time and thankfully lets me know when I’m not giving her the focus and time she needs (I’m so easily distracted). She loves animals and would totally use every cent we have to buy a house full of dogs… or a small zoo. She enjoys family walks through our neighborhood, beach vacations, collecting water bottles, being fit and active, listening to podcasts and sermons, serving others, and anything we can do together as a family.
I’m definitely a more faithful follower of Christ and overall better man because of her influence in my life. Love you babe, mosties, eternity, infernity! 😊😘😍